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"When you think of the traditional marriage vows when people are pledging to honor and cherish, they talk a lot about what they are going to give to the relationship.Today, when people talk about a relationship they often talk in consumer terms -- like what am I going to get out of this, and what are you going to do for me," says Lowe, founding director of the Center for The Family at Pepperdine University in California.television series -- spawned not only a book, but a dating revolution that, for a while, turned many singles' lives upside down.At the core of the shake up: A philosophy that told us if your partner isn't giving you the attention you expect, don't hang around and wait for change - just move on.The bad news is this surge of delicious brain chemistry doesn't last.
They firmly believe that not only is it going to always be this way, but that it always be this way," says Lowe. "When a man and woman fall for each other, it is in our biological best interest to become a little bit obsessed with each other."I always tell my female clients not to have sex until he says 'I love you' -- because if you become intimate too soon you'll be thinking 'Oh, now we're a couple,' while he's thinking 'Oh boy that was sure fun,'" says Darnay, author of the book .The end result, she says is that one partner is playing by one set of relationship rules, while the other may not even be on the game board.There are changes that occur in our brain chemistry to make that happen," says psychologist Dennis Sugrue, Ph D, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and co-author of .
Those changes, he says, not only help drive the mating process, they are also responsible for that "honeymoon high." "It's also why sex can seem so incredible and occur so much more frequently at the start of a relationship than it ever will later on," says Sugrue.
Because of that, many of us come to expect that intense feeling to remain throughout the relationship.